Where do I start? I have had so much love in my heart for Josie, lately. I just want to protect her and save her all the time. But when I don't have complete control of certains things, I feel lost as a mom.
Today we went to a small playgroup where there were two older girls (5) and a younger girl (3, almost 4). Josie was so excited when she saw them. She ran up to me and said "Mom, there's my friends. " I encouraged her to go say and "Hi" and play with them. I watched her run right up to them and say "Hi, friends" with a HUGE smile on her face. The three girls stopped talking, looked at her, and then walked away. Tears automatically stung my eyes. My little girl's face showed her true feelings: hurt and sad. She just watched them walk away and then she turned and sat down by a tree and plucked at the grass. I just wanted to run over to her and put my arms around her and hug her so tight so no one else could hurt her. It's not fair that a child that age should have to feel those kind of bad feelings. I know that it's not the fault of the other girls. I'm sure they see her younger than she really is because she can't communicate with them as well as others her age. Josie did finally get up and start playing with some toys and her little sister. I caught her glancing at the girls quite often and every time she did, my heart hurt a little more for her.
Most of you know that Josie has a speech delay so she can't communicate or talk as well as girls her age. She makes progress all the time but she's still about 6 to 9 months behind Still, that doesn't seem to hinder her wanting to play with girls her age or older. Unfortunately, they don't seem to want to play with her and she doesn't understand why and wouldn't even if I tried to explain it to her. So instead I just try to protect her and love her.
I just don't want these experiences to hurt her self-esteem at such a young age. I want her to keep calling herself a princess twenty times a day like she does now, I want her to keep dancing and smiling in front of the mirror, I want her to keep calling herself a "good girl" even until she's old, and I especially want her to keep trying to make friends even if she might get rejected.
You know, if this situation happened to Jaed he would have chased right after those boys and kept trying to play with them until they gave in. It wouldn't have even phased him that they didn't want to play with him. I think being oblivious can be a good thing sometimes :).
After the playgroup, I took the kids to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Josie was watching everyone in the store very carefully. If someone had a frown she would point at them and say "He's sad, mom, he's sad". If someone looked mad she would point and say "She's mad, mom, she's mad." Sometimes the person would hear her and then smile and she would respond, "Oh no, she's happy now". It was so funny to hear her decided how each person, that passed, was feeling at that moment. And it was evene funnier to see their expression if they heard her. She would also point out the older ladies and say "Look, Mom, there's a Grandma". Some of the ladies were not that old but she said it anyways. The ones that heard her and didn't feel like a grandma didn't quite know how to respond. They would almost grin and then get a concerned look on their face. The older ladies, who were grandmas and proud of it, always smiled and even chuckled a little. I'm sure Joise and her comments will be the conversation piece at many dinner tables tonight.
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